I don’t think I can watch K3G again
In the last 16 years since Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham has released, I don’t even remember the number of times I’ve watched it.
And as I grow older, I watch the film a little differently each time. And every time I find an issue, it eventually gets resolved. Like I know Yashwardhan Raichand is a pain in the ass, but he eventually gets sorted. I know Nandini Raichand is a poor woman who finally asserts her feminism, and so that’s cool too. And I know Rahul Raichand just wanted to love, and have respect, but he can’t have it all, right?
But the one character who I have so many problems with, that I find a new one each time.
Raichand family ki shakti
You are his Soniya
But in all this, I’ve realised one thing is highly possible — Rohan Raichand is not real. Rohan Raichand is a concept.
Because nothing he does is actually possible in real life.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that movies are not supposed to be real, and they’re just for entertainment. But there’s so many unbelievable things that Rohan does that I don’t even want to give him credit for solving the Raichand crisis!
Well, first off, theoretically speaking, he can’t go from Laddoo to Hrithik, because that’s not exactly how puberty works for everybody. How did he get the height? How did he lose the weight? Did they starve him in boarding school? How does he still not know how to tie his shoelaces?
And then there’s the whole education thing. I know the Raichands are rich, but does that mean that Rohan can skip a graduation and go straight to the MBA?
If you remember, he was in school, playing cricket. And then he comes home, celebrates Diwali and then wants to do an MBA. HOW?!
I mean, I don’t want to do an MBA ever, but I would skip college if I knew I’d still get a Master’s degree.
And how does Laddoo know where Poo studies? Did he also stalk her on the internet, like he found Rahul on FindAFriend.Com? That’s creepy. And she still falls for him because he can say “chandu ke chacha ne chandu ki chachi ko chandni chamach se chutney chatai.” Seriously?
Chandu ke chacha
Then there’s his whole commitment issue. He doesn’t want Poo to keep a Karva Chauth ka vrat, and yet, he doesn’t mind singing Wah Wah Ramji for his bhaiyya and bhabhi, so that Poo can sing Bole Chudiyaan. Hein?!
Wah Wah Ramji
And let’s not even get into his superhuman capability of teaching almost 40 British children the Indian national anthem in a matter of days. (Let’s not bring Rohan back to India for a while). And his continued superhuman capability of being able to hear Poo chatting with her friends at her prom about how much she hates him, only so he can use a mic and say ‘but I love you.’ Really? Seriously, who is this guy?
Maybe I can’t watch Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham properly again because I won’t believe a whole character who’s supposed to be super important. Maybe I can only watch the first half, and not bother about the rest, because I like the Khushi and not so much the Gham. But You and I both know that’s not true — in fact, I’m watching the movie right now, as we speak. Damn.